By Columnist Kim Mi-hee
Why Scent, of All Things — A Sense That Responds Before the Heart Does
A caregiving day is usually filled with sounds and fingertips. You listen for a calling voice, tear open medicine packets, reheat cooled soup, and wipe up spilled water. Your eyes, ears, and hands stay busy all day long, yet there is rarely a moment to tend to the mood of the person called 'me.' Even when you resolve to comfort your own heart, there are times when that very resolve feels heavy, like one more chore.
That is why scent is such a welcome thing. A fragrance reaches the tip of your nose before you make any effort to think it through. When you brush past a bunch of lavender, or touch a freshly cut lemon peel, you find yourself drawing a deep breath without ever deciding, 'From now on I'll lift my mood.' Sometimes the smell of a kitchen from long ago, or the scent of grass on a summer evening, suddenly comes to mind. In that way, scent is the least laborious path to self-care — one that gently touches the heart without any effort at all.
One thing, though, I want to make clear. Aroma is not medicine, nor does it cure anything or ward off illness. What scent does is far humbler than that. In the middle of a weary day, it lets you catch your breath for a moment and keeps you company as you return to 'the me of this very moment.' Even in that small role alone, scent is precious enough.
No Grand Preparation Required — A Single Small Bottle Is Enough
When people hear the word aroma, complicated supplies and difficult names somehow come to mind, and they shrink back before they even begin. It feels as though you must memorize every fragrance's name and equip yourself with expensive tools, and you grow tired before you start. But I would suggest the opposite. Begin with just one — a single bottle of a fragrance you like. Rather than laying out many and losing your way, carefully choosing one scent to keep by your side for a long while is a far kinder beginning.
When choosing a scent, there is no need to pore over a chart of effects. At a shop or a market, open the lid and hold it gently to the tip of your nose. If it is a scent that eases your shoulders down the moment you breathe it in, a scent that puts your heart at ease for reasons you cannot explain, then that is the one. People often say lavender feels cozy, citrus scents like lemon or orange feel fresh, and peppermint gives a cool, clearing sensation in the nose. Nothing here is right or wrong — the answer is whatever scent your nose welcomes today.
Enjoying a scent is not difficult either. You can drop a single drop onto a tissue or handkerchief and set it by your pillow, or drop a drop or two into a bowl of warm water and let the fragrance spread along with the steam. Just avoid applying the undiluted oil directly to your skin, and if you share your space with an elderly parent, a young child, or a pet, using the scent very faintly is more reassuring. A fragrance is not better for being strong; it lingers by your side longest when it is subtle, 'there and yet not quite there.'
Three Fragrances That Open the Door to the Day
Even the same scent leaves a different texture on the heart depending on when you breathe it in. That is why I like to divide the day into three fragrances: morning, midday, and night. It is not a fixed rule, but marking the day off this way creates a pause that is yours alone within a day that otherwise slips easily by.
In the morning, as soon as you open your eyes, draw back the curtains and breathe in a fresh, citrus-like scent. The head that felt heavy through the night grows a little lighter, and it becomes a moment to greet yourself: 'Well, here we go, another day begins.' At midday, in the moments when caregiving is especially trying, hold a scented handkerchief briefly to your nose and breathe slowly just three times. When your parent asks the same question again and again, when a tussle breaks out over medicine time, those three short breaths settle the rising feelings by a hand's breadth.
And then, night. It is the time of day you most want to spend on yourself. Soak your hands in warm water, or keep a cozy scent like lavender beside you in a room with the lights turned low, and the heart that was taut all day slowly loosens. This night-time scent is a quiet greeting you offer yourself: 'You worked so hard again today.' Not because the fragrance does anything remarkable, but because, for the brief moment you breathe it in, the very fact that you have carved out time wholly for yourself comforts the heart.
Scent Grows Deeper When Shared
Caregiving is easy to shoulder alone. So when we hear self-care, we tend to picture time spent by ourselves. But scent shows another face when it is shared. As you breathe in a fragrance together with the parent you care for and exchange a few words, there comes a moment when caregiving turns, for a while, into 'time spent together.'
For instance, as you breathe in a citrus scent, you might ask, 'Mother, do you remember that room where you used to peel tangerines every winter?' Scent often becomes a key that gently summons an old memory. It is fine even if no exact answer comes back. The very time of holding your noses close together, laughing, and recalling old stories becomes a warm stimulus for you both. Not a test to force something to be remembered, but a tender time of simply sitting side by side and tracing back memories.
What makes such moments so welcome is that the one giving care and the one receiving it stand for a while in the same place. In a relationship where you were always the one looking after the other, a scent set between you creates an equal time of laughing together. It is not because the fragrance gives some special effect. It is simply that the brief time of catching your breath together, feeling the same thing, and looking at each other leaves warmth in both your hearts.
Today's Heart-Care Practice
★☆☆Tonight, drop just a single drop of a scent you like onto a tissue and set it by your pillow. Before you fall asleep, breathe slowly through your nose three times. You may feel your taut heart loosen a little.
★★☆Put a drop of scent on a small handkerchief and carry it in your pocket. In the moments when caregiving grows wearying, hold the handkerchief to your nose and repeat 'breathe in — breathe out' three times. It becomes a pause of your own that briefly settles the rising feelings.
★★★On an evening when you have some room to spare, drop a drop or two of scent into a bowl of warm water, and sit side by side with your parent to breathe it in. Ask, 'What does this smell like?' and share old stories, and caregiving turns into a tender time of tracing back memories together.
A fragrance is not better for being strong; it is most soothing when subtle. Avoid applying the undiluted oil directly to your skin, and in spaces shared with elderly parents, children, or pets, I recommend using it very faintly. If it feels wrong for your body, stop using it and open a window to air out the room.
For more heart-care stories, visit the Korea Self-Healing Association.
Kim Mi-hee is an aromatherapist and columnist with the Korea Self-Healing Association. Drawing on her own experience of caring for aging parents, she writes to comfort the hearts of caregivers. The Korean Today, Nam-Incheon.
#WithTeacherSignsOfHeartCare #AromaLife #CaregivingEveryday #SelfCare #OpeningTheDayWithScent #FiftiesAndSixties #CaringForParents #HeartCare
[ Reporter Kim Mi-hee: incheonsouth@thekoreantoday.com ]
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