Aroma Hand Cream: The Day’s Greeting, Passed Through Your Hands

By Columnist Kim Mi-hee

In a Day of Caregiving, the Hands Move First

A caregiver's morning begins with the hands. You pull back the blanket, help with washing up, change clothes, tear open a packet of medicine, pour lukewarm water into a cup. You cook the rice, portion out the side dishes, wipe up what was spilled, and wash your hands again. I have never counted how many times a day I wash my hands, but if you counted yours, you might be a little surprised.

Hands that meet water and cleansers so often stiffen easily, whatever the season. As we age, the skin also holds less moisture than it once did. So there comes a moment when the fine lines on the back of your hand suddenly stand out, or your knuckles feel unusually dry. It is not illness. It means these are hands that have worked a long time.

And yet it is strange. In a caregiver's order of priorities, you yourself always come last. You make sure to rub lotion into your parent's hands, while your own get a quick pass with a towel before you move on to the next task. I was the same when I was caring for my parents. Looking after my own hands felt like a luxury, so I always put it off until "later."

The Hands Are Where the Heart Arrives First

When caregiving goes on a long time, words grow scarce. You ask how the day was and the answer is short; nothing comes to mind to say, and there are evenings when only the sound of the television fills the room. It is not that you resent each other. It is that you already know each other too well and have been tired too long. At times like that, words keep missing each other, but hands, strangely, do not.

Holding a hand requires no sentences. Without asking "Are you all right?" and without saying "You've worked hard," the warmth of a palm carries it instead. In those hours when I sat by the bed not knowing what to say, what gave me an excuse was a single tube of hand cream. "Let me put some on your hands" was all it took to take a hand naturally.

So hand cream is something for the skin and, at the same time, a pretext for the relationship. It does not fix anything; it is closer to a small ritual that confirms you were in the same place today. Those thirty seconds can become the knot that ties off a day.

Fix the Order of Those Thirty Seconds, and It Becomes a Habit

If you simply think, "I'll put some on when I get a chance," you end up never putting it on at all. Instead, choose one time and one place. At the sink after the evening dishes, or at your bedside before you go to sleep. Simply leaving the hand cream out where you can see it is half the battle.

Try this order. Squeeze out a bean-sized amount onto the back of one hand and cover it with the back of the other, rubbing them together. Then pass your fingers through the spaces between them as if interlacing them, and stroke each finger gently from base to tip. Sweep over the dry skin beside the nails and on up to the wrist, and you are done.

Be sure to save one last motion. Bring both hands together near your nose and slowly breathe in and out three times. Not so much because the scent is pleasant, but because those three breaths become a signal that today's work ends here. It is a way of fitting a door handle to close the day.

Things Worth Remembering When You Apply It to a Parent's Hands

Ask permission before you begin. "May I touch your hand?" "Shall I put some cream on for you?" Ask, wait for an answer, and then take the hand. Sudden contact easily leads to alarm or resistance. Especially for someone whose strength has waned, the sense of deciding about one's own body is precious.

Do not knead the hands hard. With age the skin thins and bruises easily, so rather than pressing, it is better to cup the hand in your whole palm and stroke slowly. Use a little cream at a time, and if your hands are cold, rub them together for a moment to warm them before you make contact. Attending to temperature alone completely changes how it feels to the person receiving it.

And while you are touching the hands, try talking a little. Small questions like "When did you buy this ring?" "How did you get this scar?" "Mom, your nails are just like mine." It is fine if the answers are not exact. The time spent calling up memories together can itself become a kind habit that keeps the brain healthily at work.

Choosing a Scent Is a Way of Getting to Know Yourself

In my long years of practicing aromatherapy, the question I am asked most often is, "Which scent is good?" I always ask back: What scent do you want to smell today? The scent that suits you is the one your nose welcomes today, not the one reputed to be good. Some days a bright scent like lemon is welcome; other days a settling scent like lavender feels easier. Simply noticing that difference means you have taken a look at how you are doing.

When you are using it together with an older person, though, I recommend keeping the scent very faint. With age the sense of smell can grow either more sensitive or duller, and either way a strong scent can be a burden. Better than a scent that lingers in the room is one you can just barely notice when you bring your hands to your nose. Using an unscented product is an excellent choice as well.

If you want to add an essential oil, do not apply the undiluted oil directly to the skin. Mix no more than one drop into a single squeeze of the hand cream you normally use. With a scent you are trying for the first time, it is reassuring to apply a small amount somewhere like the inner forearm and watch it for about a day before using it. It is enough to think of it not as curing anything, but as gently soothing today's mood.

For more heart-care stories, visit the Korea Self-Healing Association.

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[ Reporter Kim Mi-hee: incheonsouth@thekoreantoday.com ]

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